Glorious Guernsey!

My gorgeous friend Hannah who lives on the 30-square-mile island, took me on a tourist extravaganza at the weekend.
I was pretty excited to be reunited with the famous Guernsey cows. Milk, cream, butter, ICE CREAM! My new best friends. How great would it be to have one of those friendly critters (ok maybe, critter is wrong word as they weigh 500kg) in the garden? Move over chickens!
On arrival we had a cracking egg-filled breakfast at Coco’s (lots of framed Coco Chanel quotes inside).
There are only about 65,000 people living in Guernsey (won’t get you very far on Tinder) and THREE nightclubs (literally nothing is a secret!). But luckily the one thing that matters, newly opened in 2016… There’s a Jack Wills. PHEW.
The weather was a bit mis, meaning it was perfect for shopping! In these situations, Guernsey Weather Fox is the place to go. Started up by a local, it tells you the best times to surf and where the warmest parts of the island are at different parts of the day.
The island has its own cake, Gâche (not pronounced gash) that’s just like fruitcake (it pretty much is fruitcake). Eat it with some black butter and you’ll fit right in.
Apparently these are all local sayings?
If you thought having their own CAKE was impressive, did you know it even has its own language? Guernésiais. For example,”À la perchoine” is a friendly way of saying “see you next time.”
Before the great escape, the island used to be attached to France, Franglais is also rather popular.
Not quite mastering the selfie-timer

We headed to the beach (Rocquaine Bay to be precise) to soak up the last of the summer rays (LOL I wish) and some of that fresh sea air to blow the cobwebs away.

Unlike lovely parts of English seaside, you’re unlikely to catch a whiff of weed as anyone caught with possession (even if no intent to supply) will be arrested on the spot.

Part of the once Fort Pezeries
Fort Pezeries, built around 1680 used to be a defence fort during the threat of the French invasion and the German’s made it into a machine gun spot in the Second World War.
Anchor memorial for Remembrance Sunday
Walking further on, we came to something else I was eager to experience. The magnificent fairy ring! I was expecting something like Stonehenge, but I suppose the “Fairy Ring” was supposed to be for midget elves and such.
Folklore says if you run around it three times your wishes will come true, and those dreams did come true. I had the best margarita pizza EVER at 3am the next morning!
La Table Des Poins – ‘The Fairy Ring’
….In reality it was used as a dugout picnic bench of sorts by island officials when inspecting roads and coastal defences up until 1837.
In the distance you might be able to spot the Les Hanois lighthouse (first lit in 1862). Before the telephone came about, people used to communicate with those in the lighthouse using flag signals.
I feel like this tractor should be in Bob the Builder?!
How cute is this set-up?
It’s a table at Cobo Tea Rooms. Their cake slices are GIANT.
Another fun fact (it MIGHT come in useful at pub quiz someday) – there’s only one red postbox in Guernsey, all the rest are blue.
The reason I know I could never survive in Guernsey is because the maximum speed limit on the entire island is 35mph NO JOKE. Road rage to the max!
And it only takes around 30 mins to drive around the perimeter… Quite funny when you see the biker gangs meeting up for Sunday lunch.
Above is a sneak peak inside the premier nightclub, Les Folies D’amour. A place that has “we’re going to Ibiza” playing as you arrive surely lives up to it’s swanky name.
This crazy kid jumping in the sea post-run
Did you know there’s an Island version of the Olympic Games?! Me neither. Guernsey participates in the biennial Island Games, along with 23 other countries.
Cobo Beach, Castel
Hidden underneath St Peter Port is the German Military Underground Hospital. There aren’t a great deal of artefacts mentioning the war or the traumatic history of the occupation and this is a harrowing reminder.
St Peter Port
Guernsey (and Hannah), you are the beans in my bean jar. Until next time.

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